Two Thousand and Fifteen

So I want to write a blog post summarising this year. WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN LOL. I mean if you know me well enough you'd know that this year has been CUH-RAY-ZEE. Yeah every year is crazy in its own way since there are so many days and so many happenings, but this year is truly one of those years that really challenge me and make me grow up a little bit. Less innocent and less naive now, probably (I'd better be after all the traumatising experience that I've had this year lol.) But all in all, I'm glad that 2015 is coming to and end and while I still have a few last hurdles to jump over in the last 3 days of the year (writing this on 29 December - dunno when I will finish and publish the post because you know that I'm a horrible procrastinator), here's to a better 2016!

I really don't know how to structure this post so maybe I'll jump into the big life events that happened this year?

1. arounDINHeurope

It's easy to focus on the negative things that happen for some reasons, but how can I summarise 2015 and not pay tribute (?) to the one of the best things that have ever happened in my life: 5 months living in Europe!

Moving was not the difficult part to be honest, seeing that I've been living away from home for the past 7 years and it's just a different place further away (other circumstances would arise and prove otherwise, but more on that later), but IT'S FREAKING EUROPE. I honestly do not expect to be visiting Europe until I'm like 30 on a holiday or something, so this was definitely a pleasant surprise. One thing that resulted from living in Europe for 5 months is that it made me realise how oppressed I am living in a country where you can't drink outside past 10.30pm, and drinks are so fucking expensive anyway. Not that it's a bad place to live and there are definitely pros and cons to the different places, but it's nice to have that experience of freedom (term used lightly) when I'm still young and be reminded of who I actually am before being sanitised and boxed into a comfort zone that is Singapore. I mean I've been back for about 4.5 months and already the free-spiritedness that I had from Europe has already kind of disappeared for some reasons.

And of course if you look from the outside, I have all these nice photos of the amazing places that I went to. I still constantly miss Bonn, Cologne, Lisbon, Budapest and Paris, and occasionally the random smell of you-now-what around the street corner. All the memories with the great new friends that I made that now I have a place to crash when I travel the world (one day, one day).

2. Performances: EHDP 2015, CAC+US & Ascen(Dance!) 

Ah yes how do I address my life without mentioning the constant stream of performances that come my way, or rather, I jump into without any consideration whatsoever regarding my academic or personal life. I mean, yes I have a severe case of FOMO (fear of missing out, as the 5 months in exchange has proven to me lol. I even made a video audition for Ascendance like ugh -cringe-), but also I keep justifying these commitments with the mindset that I would never be able to do this kind of thing again once I start working - which is true, as much as I don't want it to be true.

I am especially thankful for the CAC+US and Ascendance experience as I got to meet new amazing friends and do fun stuffs that extend beyond the hiphop-contemp dichotomy that somehow hall dance seems to subscribe to (no offence, I hope.) Also for having a small case of body image issue which resulted in me starving myself before the item and last-minute crunches in the hope of appearing better on stage. So much for defying social norms sigh.

3. Friends, relationships, that sort of icky stuffs

Ah yes, the topic of the year. For someone whose life has been so stably boring over the past 3 years of uni, this year has been anything BUT stable.

Let's start with the small stuffs. All my close hall friends moved out of hall, and while I knew that this day was going to happen *sobs* it was still more difficult that I thought it'd be. Hall has become nothing but a place to stay, really (sorry) and seriously during the whole past semester I leave my room every morning and come back late at night after doing stuffs in school. Yeah I'm still in DP and all but I'm mostly doing these things for myself and not for hall anymore (did I ever though? Hmm). It's always difficult to form a connection between me and an institution (e.g. AC) so I don't blame them for being unable to convert an anti-establishment(ish) person like me lol. But staying in touch with friends who are no longer in hall is way more difficult. Yet it made me realise that yes sometimes I need to put in efforts into my relationships as well coz usually I'm the lazy one that just doesn't really care - I guess that changes when you're older. Same thing happened in Germany. I was so busy travelling all over the places that after the first half of the semester I barely see my friends around. So I made some efforts to stay in touch with them. For the first time in my life lol. And it felt really great. When we all graduate it's gonna be even harder to stay in touch and everything, but seeing how things are going I hope it'll be fine.

I guess sometimes I'm just afraid of things not going my way that I avoid doing the thing altogether. Lots have been learned this year with regards to expectations in dealing with people in general. Somewhere along the road I felt like I lost myself chasing that temporary high that is just meant to be a good but temporary memory to cherish and not recreated. And along that same road I managed to hurt some people, agonise myself, tear down beautiful bridges, and forego beautiful things in front of me that I should be thankful for. Lessons learned, I suppose.

Big shoutouts to friends who have stood with me & supported me through the craziest times, new friends whom I made, those that bless me with amazing memories, people that have kept me acquainted in one moment of time or another. You know who you are. We may never speak to each other again but I'm sure that brief moment(s) we spent together was pretty cool. Thnks fr th mmrs.

4. Looking forward

People always question the legitimacy of the new year and all the thingums that come with it - resolutions, new this new that bla bla. For me personally, I am a big believer of numerology (is that a thing?) which I guess stems out of the fact that sometimes you just need to believe in something bigger than what is happening in front of you. And it does come with its own merits too - like motivating us to look back, reflect, find closures, and find that little bit of hope/optimism that the previous year has beaten out of us. So here's to a new year of new, big changes - graduation, working (hopefully), travelling (really hopefully), and just generally learning to be a better person. Learning how to love myself again and persevere through difficult times. How to appreciate beauty behind the madness (waddup The Weeknd reference) and not take anything for granted. How to move on.

And finally, yes the song that every Vietnamese plays during New Year:

Happy New Year everyone!

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