Overdue

This is a draft for the overdue stuffs that I'm supposed to blog about. Which will be here once I have the time - actually I never really have the time, but I make time anyway. Because I'm lazy.

[Birthday]

[Random things in hall]

[Dreams]

[...]

But I'mma be blogging about exams. Usually at this time of examinations, I would be stressed as fuck because I would be slacking off after about 20 minutes of studying (which is not even productive), and then I would feel the remorse 2 hours after playing, and then continue playing. Yet I set way too high expectations for myself (which have seen a dramatic wake-up call after I received the exam results last semester. Or did I wake up at all?) But somehow this semester I've been totally calm. Not that I've been hard-working or productive or whatever, although I must say the times that I actually sit down and do my work (which are not that frequent) have been kind of productive. Or seemingly productive. #placebo. Maybe it's like any other things that I was passionate/freaking out about - after a while things get numb and my attitude becomes: whatever. Then again, for those subjects that I actually study for the exams, there is a sense of "I must do well so as not to waste all my time and efforts spending on this module." So if I don't do well, my efforts are not justified? What exactly have I learned from my module? Does that even matter when all that matters in this society nowadays is getting a good grade as a validation of what you've done so far? I know if we're judged for the efforts and time spent on work I would totally fail all my modules, and deservingly so, but still there is that sense of achievement even when I get a grade I don't deserve. But that is happening less and less frequently now, which makes me feel kind of ambivalent. Of course I wouldn't feel good getting a bad grades, but deep down inside (not that deep) I would feel that at least the grade is justified because I never put in as much effort as those people getting an A. Then again did those people getting As deserve the grades? One will never know. #ramblingmuch.

I feel like if there's one thing that makes me deserve the good grades, it is the fact that I'm thinking of all the sociological implications possible from that paragraph that I've written about my little, boring and pathetic life. But I shall leave the judgments to the readers, as Harriet Martineau (a really interesting and great sociologist, or thinker, or just an awesome person that I happen to be studying in my Sociology module) says. Am I pretentious? Trying to be intellectual and all? I don't know. Maybe I am. I know a lot of people think sociologists are pretentious, and they have the rights to think that way. Not that I agree with that statement or anything. Again I don't know where I'm going with this.

To be continued...

It's hard out here.

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