I just felt like writing a post, really. Haven't posted here for so long. Where shall I start?

This semester has been kind of horrible, academically. All of my assignments are last minute, I don't keep up with my readings at all, I barely understand what is taught in class. Yet I feel like everyone expects me to somehow "just do well". I feel the need to do well, not because of anyone's demand, really, but rather just because I am kiasu, yet don't spend enough efforts to improve myself. So I won't do well. Oh well.

I performed in an item called (A)part for the NUS Dance Ensemble's concert entitled Evocation: Voices. It was interesting, to say the least, how I get to be in an item that reflects my (almost) exact feelings when I'm in rehearsals, or in the company in general. I'm not a good dancer: I'm not technically trained, I don't pick up steps very fast, I don't (can't) watch and replicate all the lines. I don't exactly have a great or friendly personality to compensate for that, either. Which is what makes me feel like the item, I guess - being a part of something yet being apart of everything. The feeling doesn't just apply to DE, either. In hall everyone keeps on saying how good I am, blah blah blah, and yeah granted that I'm a bit better than some people in hall doesn't mean that I'm good. In DE I'm just bad - I know that lol. So I fall in this middle ground of the unknown, I don't belong. Or maybe it's just me and my judgmental self that prevents me from trying to be a part of something. But that doesn't mean people who are better than me can make bitchy and shady comments about me (because I know they do). It's fun to be blur so as not to pose as a threat and then make an awesome comeback that blows people's mind though (not that I was able to do it lol #fail). I guess I'm just too selfish to be in a world that everyone must "cooperate" and "work together". What's wrong with being alone?

I realise that I can't take constructive criticisms very well. I mean I don't react or anything but inside I'm like, whatever, I'm fabulous. LOL.

Speaking of Evocation, I regret not spending time to get to know the Philippine guest dancers. They seem like such amazing and friendly and cool and awesome people and I'm just too shy. I guess it's really more fun in the Philippines! :)

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